memories

i gather the fragments of memories to help me move on in my so called life.i say 'so called' because as yet i dont know if this is what i really want.is this the life i really desire and will it get the better out of me?wild thoughts pulling back and memories behaving weird...almost unexpectedly...never thought it will get so extreme.ideas taking terrible shapes...make me hold on to the present even more tightly.its not the future as much as the past that is making things so complicated!

collapsing soul

i struggle..each day...to come out of the fake reality i dwell in,to breathe in the life that surrounds me,to be one of the happier faces..not just for show!
extending each of my fingers to hold onto a light that i wish to discover and to breathe, but i give up my efforts,i think maybe today i ll discover the peace within me. may be then i would not have to look upto the empty faces to tell me how bad i am.may be then i can just smile each day before i sleep instead of asking god to give me a happier tomorrow.may be then i can thank god for what he has given me today!
things would be better then.i wouldn't have to put on my fake smile eveytime i wish to cry.i wouldn't have to tell people that they are good,i wouldn't have to wait for them to pass on their final judgement.
till then must i kill my soul?

they told me moderation is the key...is it?i dont know...but i do need an answer!how can i be moderate when they manhandle my emotions?how can i be moderate when they demolish my dream by a mere hit at its core?can moderation surface when i am told that the passion i have lived for all this while must end up as a dream?that thoughts as those must bear nothing more to themselves?that there are interests which hold more importance than sheer welfare?that this world doesn't function on the sheer will to contribute?