Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I was jogging in a park this morning. Hearing some dogs bark, I picked up the closest piece of sturdy twig in self defense. Turning around I saw that everything had already been settled and there was no reason for me to worry. So after having walked some fifty feet I dropped the twig and continued to jog.

And this is when it dawned upon me that I had possibly been used as an instrument to re-position the twig there to facilitate somebody else. That I was possibly part of a bigger picture that I was unaware of. Just like so many times random people have stepped into my life, performed a deed and vanished in a second, so possibly, I was was playing a similar part. Perhaps, this is how we are inter-weaved into the lives of anonymous people.

I often wonder what is the significance of the trivial. Mostly I receive no answers. But this rare opportunity that I got revealed to me the harmony in daily action. How exciting would it be to know what part am I playing in the grander plan! More importantly, what is the plan, how will it be achieved and why achieve it?

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Trivials must make more sense than I understand
And though at heart we all prefer simplicity
We must pass through all that is complex in order to achieve it.
How each thing ends up being related to the other is incredible.
How intense and complicated the cause and effect relationship can be
I may never completely realize.
So,  I often think of the mundane
And wonder  how important it is?
And of the millions of mundane things I have done so far
There are only a rarity that i recall.
What is the meaning of living and forgetting?
What is the meaning of remembrance?
I feel deja vu out of connection to past
But what that past was I never recall.
Where is the beginning and how farther can it be traced?
The end I wont talk about
Since what happens after it looks like vacuum.
Am I a part of a story or am I the story?
Or perhaps  am too insignificant to be either.
And with these questions I fall in the vicous circle
Of coming back to the long asked question
What am I here for?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Holy Month, Holy People

This Ramzan I could pen down ten best ways to eve tease, thanks to my frequent visits to Jama Masjid. This place had more innovation in those terms than any other that I have visited. This, however, was not all that this month was about. This month softened me from inside towards a people I have known less. One of the most profound acts that the Masjid played on me, left me free of inhibitions towards its people. I was deeply touched when a small group of skull cap and white kurta clad send over a fruit to me at iftaar time through a little child. Such acts continued on other days and I felt so naïve in having lived in stereotypes about people I did not know. In my mind, these little acts of goodness that impulse delivers through us is what human goodness must be about.

Typically, I should thank a friend for asking me to frequent that place with her for working on a photo essay about the month. But it comes across to me as an act that must happen in any case. People who make it happen are only instruments in the hands of time. And so my gratefulness takes a backseat and what clouts me is the marvel at the goodness of impulses. The series of photographs that I created there is a dedication to all the wonderful spirits who let the goodness live in them. You can see the images at the following link:

Thursday, July 12, 2012

That which I thought belonged to me, is owned by so many others. The more I see, the more I get convinced of my insignificance. The excitement of a new experience embodies itself into pride at the first instance. But its not long before the pride gives way to nothingness and offers a realization that all that done so far does not count when there are so many others who have done a lot more than what I have. Then what is it that really matters?

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I think of what I am.

How I am different now than I was then.

And how similar I become to the past

In the course of moving on.

We are continuosly walking in circles.

We reach the place we had started from.

Only, this time, we had better judgement

Than the last.

Are these concentric circles,

Or are they the same ones that we are treading.

The shade and the sun, the damp summer afternoon

And the numb winter fingers, and,

The drenched monsoon pyajamas.

Are they the uphill climb or the downhill fall,

That I reach every time?

I am possibly set off on the wrong path.

Or am I missing something on the one

That i have been treading since childhood?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

And again all of it falls to numb ear drums

Pessimism, fear, scepticism, turmoil;

How free is the human spirit of the adulteration

Until off course the anti-spirit takes over

To not let you be happy for very long.

I continue to live for the moments of the spirit to come out victorious.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I want to be able to close my eyes and be still.

To sense peace in the midst of activity.

I wonder what it is like to lose myself to a moment;

To people, thoughts, songs, or even nothingness.

What is the universe striving for,

I wish I could know.

Aspirations that people have,

I wish I could see them.

I wish i could watch my life through the eyes of an audience

Or an author that wishes to tell his own story.

I wonder what my private moments look like

To the world that I live in.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Timelines are all a matter of illusion

They do not Exist

But as specks of time in individual minds

They stay to live on.

People, attachments, memories

Are delusions of destiny

That engage in the moments of existence

But get buried in the grains of time.

Toys fall on the way

And get forgotten in sand

Creating fairies that do not last

Toys, though lost, teach lesions of detachments

And stay on representations

Of all that is innately true.

And as steps are taken

Unconsciously, Circles are formed

Because experiences leave footsteps

Which only get darkened by the same feet

And patterns though exist

Are unconsciously lost in the limitations of the mind.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Counting my days by the calendar is not the option I have to myself,

In fact, I have almost forgotten what day is it today-

Not that at other times I remember it- Just a thought

Which seems more relevant today than it ever was!

I have made commitments and taken responsibilities-

What do they give me? I have not been able to define in absolute words.

Still I must do it- I know they drive me to push my limits every time.

I am inspired by motivation? I don’t think so,

It is the fear of failure that drives me stronger each time.

I stand up after falling just to prove what I am worth,

Do I have to do that or not, is not something I have thought of,

Nor do I want to think of it, because if I get an answer,

May be I wouldn’t know what drives me, or rather,

I would not want to accept what drives me.

May be in answering certain questions I would not be able to

Look at my self with the same self esteem that I think I have,

But is the fear of my own un-acceptance of my belief

Really the solution I am looking for?

May be it is not! But till the moment I do not have the time

To think of answers to these questions and sink them in

I will believe them to be true.

This way, at the least, I can believe that there is something

That I stand for!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Wow! This journey can be very tiring and exciting at the same time. And being at the top is not always fun. And may be people are right when they say that its lonely up there: its because people start assuming that the ones at the top are SuperMans! In reality, it is a lot different. We exist at the top because we have worked hard to be there and to do all that the ones at the top are supposed to. We strive hard to be worthy of all the repute that the ones there should deserve. But we are vulnerable to failures too. We are prone to weaknesses: and we are not always strong, we feel weak at our knees too. But the difference that comes being at the top is that we are not expected to ask for support or solace: we are expected to pull through on our own and never grow weak!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Life is a cycle-I had realized that long back-

But such a refreshingly tireless one?

I did not know I would learn it!

And yet my guts tell me not to make such sure statements.

I have accepted the defeat of my beliefs already,

But how many times more it is to happen

I am clueless.

And this mere knowledge has allowed me to look upto tomorrow

Like a pupil of destiny- with a curious will-

Comparison to a blank page might not be the best one

But let me just say that I move forward like a new page of a notebook-

Carrying forward my stories and ready to write new ones.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

There is nothing as annoying as being in the middle of a lot of options-

Even more so, when each can be just as decisive!

I don’t like to believe that I need to be practical in life.

I don’t like to do things because everybody around me does it and has the society thinking on the same lines.

I detest telling myself that this one decision can make or break my life!

Why should it be so?

Each day I have the power to create something new, and each thing that I do has its own capacity to build a part in me that was probably dominant all this while.

I like to create an aura of learning around all that I do- this way I can tell myself that I am growing with each experience I take, and that no one experience was a waste!

But apparently, nobody would let me think that ways- experimenting isn’t the best option around- after all it is about your life.

Why so serious?

Monday, January 3, 2011

i seek company of the people i idiolize
and i come closer to the fact that i am just required to be stronger at this moment.
when seeking company i need to search for more strength to sustain myself
on my own.
my weakness can be strength if i find the reason for the secret existence.
i looked at my blog today
and realised that it had been barren for quite some time now.
i am listening to music as i am writing this
in spite of the fact that i prefer silence at such times.
music always distracts.
but today it is behaving differently;
it is forcing me to write by provoking a feeling in me.
as is mostly the case, i leave the feeling unnamed.
they seem beyond the grasp of words like nostalgic and reminiscent,
the words dont describe the tears that my heart bleeds
when it gets in touch with sudden peace
And not just that-it is fulfillment.
it comes with knowing the fact that i am living:
honestly and in my true definition-
living with uncertainity and in the moment-
the secret of all risks, and success.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Whispers subside as an inner world comes to life and breathes into the thoughts a self assuring vigor. Provocation reverberates with the essence of being, as long as it is untouched by the adulteration of the ignorant. Myth-in the definition of the fools- enlarges beyond its capacity. Ego develops, but lasts only till it is not negated by the fools.

There is no practicality that survives at the moment-only dreams of being. And it is there to live, but without any justification of fairness or reason.