How limited hardships I think I have had when I want to pen it down…and when I look back I think I have had loads. It was only lately when I was thrown into thinking that life had been so good to me. As I started looking back on life I realized I wasn’t that bad! Probably I have treated life too fairly. Life has had quite a few demises. So many that when I looked back on them yesterday I had a tear in my eye. I perceived their complete absence in my life today.
With each lash that I was inflicted with, I seeked an opportunity to learn and move on. I learned that the secret of my life was in moving beyond the unpleasant. Wasn’t that the reason I had almost forgotten the past, and held no bitterness for it on the present date? I learnt to live with the good in life and after taking all that is important from the past I let it rot.
People often commented on how cheerful and full of life I was. I never considered it seriously, after all that was just the way I was! Only when I saw that lack of life in myself did I start thinking of its existence, if there ever was one. And I had to admit…people weren’t wrong. For the first time I considered myself seriously on matters as these. This world supports the survival of the fittest. And if I want to be the one…I need to get the better of myself.


The world around never is the problem…because the problem is always in us!

there is a world unknown to you and me...cause its built on belief.

I knew the secret…I always did, but somehow did not acknowledge it. I knew I was different. I knew things happened the way I thought they would. And I knew I had more in me than others thought. I also knew i I would prove it someday.
I knew I wasn’t the only one knowing it but there weren’t any others I saw disclosing the secret! I realized the power in me, and the powers of my dreams when ever I believed in them. I saw myself working for them. I saw myself living for them.
I thought of my accomplishments so far and realized they brought a lot of hope for the future. They weren’t ordinary…not that they were phenomenal, but they were inspirational. They seemed to be the materialization of my very thoughts.

Its not time that changes. It’s the self that refuses to change. I understood that, when I decided to change with time. Thoughts, memories, past…they happen to create softness in the present, not to prevent the present from being cherishable.
How difficult is it to live IN those memories! Not realizing that we ought to live WITH them. Perception can bring all the change!

I asked time to spare me...and i got left behind.
I asked time to walk with me...and i still got left behind.
and then i finally realised that i had to catch up with time!

I crossed my limits yesterday only to realize that I had broadened the scope of my morals.

I figured that there was more passion in a child’s play than in a chocolate vendor…

The moon casts shadows even at night!

I don’t really remember when I developed this habit of sending a message to my loved ones through the moon. I know it doesn’t reach them. But I am somehow fascinated with the thought that irrespective of the distances I can feel their presence with me at that point!
It all began with a friend mentioning the beauty of the moon. I decided to explore it too. I would often sit and just stare at it blankly trying to find something interesting in it, till I realized that I had fallen in love with it.
I gradually begun talking to the moon…I mentioned my thoughts to it and then I would try interpreting the message that it was trying to convey to me. And trust me…it does speak a lot. It spoke to give more answers to me everyday! It somehow did not go out of stock…not as yet at least! I see my memories in it; I see new vistas of life that somehow do not occur to the mundane. I learnt what love was by falling in love with it.
It provides me the sense of security that a close one would in that dark night. It shows me beauty in the middle of fear. I understood the pettiness of my thoughts when I would leave myself to the mercy of other petty people. I began to believe in the miracles of life that occur when I am most ignorant. So I left myself in the arms of beauty to frame me so!

words are eternal...

How long has it been since I have given a thought to myself…I don’t know. I didn’t realize when I got into the race and forgot questioning my own self. I had actually started accepting things without questioning them when they weren’t meant to be treated so. I had apparently forgotten that there was a me that seeked happiness in the beauty of the night sky. I don’t know when I lost myself, but I do know that this is not the way I want things to be!

It is easier to be happy in the moments of solidarity than go around searching for a company. It is more satisfying to know my own self that consider others’ view of me. It is easier to accept myself than waiting for others consent to accept me. I don’t know if it is my policy of escapism or is it my belief in my self… what I do know is that being this way makes me happy!

Time and again I question myself for the things happening around me…I do need to know to what extend I effect them and they effect me! Is it right to blame others without considering my own self? I don’t think so. We can’t change others…what we can do is change ourselves. Let the surroundings mould me but if need be I wouldn’t mind being resistant my surroundings.

terror...

I couldn’t stop myself from writing on it anymore!
Barbarism, callousness, ruthlessness and the mere insensitivity of humanity has struck me hard. After all these years of evolution (as I thought it to be) we have fallen back to what we originally were proving the wildness of our blood! I am talking about the treacherous attack in the Indian city that was carried out by a so called group of humans…

If only blood was the solution to all problems…we would be free of problems altogether by now! But a fact to be lamented…it is not. After the thousands of deaths that have hit the Indian city lately not even one has brought us closer to the solution.

I feel a lack of confidence in my existence today. All this while I had my interpretations of life…but lately I have started questioning my own beliefs. if murder was the road to peace…I would happily offer my life. But when would these half brained idiots understand that there is more to things than they see! Behind every life that they take in the name of faith or religion…there are buckets full of tears that are being shed! Behind every shot that they fire…there are dreams that are being shattered…hopes that are devastated…lives that lose their reason.

When would people move towards having an understanding of their differences? When would they realize that just like them…others have dreams too! Would people ever learn to respect the presence of others and move beyond their own selves? All these questions haunt me every time I switch on my television set or read through the newspapers about the plight of people who have lost their near and dear ones, about the reaction of the politicians, and about all those people who have lost their lives in the hands of terror.

past...present...

Past and present…they are both strong forces, each pulling on either side.its difficult to breakthrough; even more difficult to maintain a balance. Past pulls…the present pushes. Why else do you think am I writing this…I am scared to be torn apart by this unmanageable force!
My past has been a bed of roses…so is my present…then why is it being difficult for me to move on. What is pulling me back and causing me to stumble on every step that I take? I was given all that I wanted but in a new form…and that makes me happy…but why doesn’t it keep me going?
Thoughts…they do trouble; memories…they disturb; tears is what they bring!

will you?

I smile at your thought, but do you remember
The glow on my face on seeing you?
I do address my thoughts to you,
You are the imagination that comforts me,
But do you still miss the warmth of my smile;
The comfort in my hug;
And the security in my presence?
Do you still believe me
When I tell you that I love you
That I need you just like I did before?
That though we were friends
You were an intricate part of my life;
The reason I could wake up each day
And smile at the warmth of life.
You were the reason I smiled when alone;
The reason I never cried;
How could I in your presence!

But before I continue…
Do I have the right to throw these questions on you?
Will you answer me when
I ask you if you still love me;
May be you answer,
But may be I have not the strength to listen to it.
May be I must just assume
That I still matter to you…
May be that’s the only way I can be happy…

memories

i gather the fragments of memories to help me move on in my so called life.i say 'so called' because as yet i dont know if this is what i really want.is this the life i really desire and will it get the better out of me?wild thoughts pulling back and memories behaving weird...almost unexpectedly...never thought it will get so extreme.ideas taking terrible shapes...make me hold on to the present even more tightly.its not the future as much as the past that is making things so complicated!

collapsing soul

i struggle..each day...to come out of the fake reality i dwell in,to breathe in the life that surrounds me,to be one of the happier faces..not just for show!
extending each of my fingers to hold onto a light that i wish to discover and to breathe, but i give up my efforts,i think maybe today i ll discover the peace within me. may be then i would not have to look upto the empty faces to tell me how bad i am.may be then i can just smile each day before i sleep instead of asking god to give me a happier tomorrow.may be then i can thank god for what he has given me today!
things would be better then.i wouldn't have to put on my fake smile eveytime i wish to cry.i wouldn't have to tell people that they are good,i wouldn't have to wait for them to pass on their final judgement.
till then must i kill my soul?

they told me moderation is the key...is it?i dont know...but i do need an answer!how can i be moderate when they manhandle my emotions?how can i be moderate when they demolish my dream by a mere hit at its core?can moderation surface when i am told that the passion i have lived for all this while must end up as a dream?that thoughts as those must bear nothing more to themselves?that there are interests which hold more importance than sheer welfare?that this world doesn't function on the sheer will to contribute?

the hollow in my life forcing its way into me...getting deeper. extracting the me in me...

time is detrimental of hope...or is it the other way round?but one thing is for sure.hope destructs the future more than anything else.it is more devastating than a failure itself...i mean mentally!